I am so good at telling other people not to beat yourself up or keep saying "what if," and for the past 24 hours I've been reminded how hard it is to be kind to yourself. Yesterday, my beloved Coco went into labor. She has a history of quads and quints, and I was guessing quints again because she was so huge. Her labor was very mediocre through the day, and I kept repeating my mantra, "if the goat is happy, I'm happy," and Coco seemed happy. She wasn't screaming or acting distressed at all. She just kept standing up, pawing the ground, turning around, and laying down again. She'd look like she'd make the tiniest little push for a few seconds and stop without making a sound. But by evening I was getting worried because I knew my daughter had to help when she had quints two years ago, so I decided to check her and see if she was completely dilated.
As I suspected, her cervix was wide open, but there was not an obvious baby part presenting. There was a wide array of noses and hooves from which to choose. I finally found a set of hooves with a matching nose, and pulled the first kid. He was absolutely spunky and standing up within a few minutes, trying to walk. Then it got complicated. Every time I'd try to pull a set of front hooves, the matching head would fall back. There were two kids trying to be born at the same time, and I couldn't get either head to stay in place as I was pulling the legs. And I couldn't get the head through the pelvis with my hand on it. I finally said, "We're going to U of I."
We arrived at the university vet hospital close to 1 a.m. with Coco still in labor and a hoof still sticking out. The vet was confident that she could get the kids out without a c-section, and she did. I won't get into the details, but she delivered four more live kids. She said Coco would be fine and that we could bring her home. I said I wanted to get colostrum into the kids first, so they milked out a quart of colostrum from Coco's huge udder, and we started giving it to the babies with a bottle. She gave Coco shots of antibiotics, anti-inflammatory meds, and pain meds, and we were on our way home.
Coco was completely out of it, and I was worried. I talked about bringing her into the house and wondered if I should leave any of the kids with her. After much discussion and debate and seeing Coco ignore the kids completely, we decided they would be safer in the house. We put Coco is a deeply bedded pen at 4:30 a.m. and came inside to go to bed. When my husband went out at 7:00, she was dead.
Even though we'd done everything medically possible, I immediately started second guessing my decision to not bring her into the house and to not leave her kids with her. I was worried that she had simply died of shock or depression, thinking that I could have somehow prevented her death.
I called U of I, and everyone was completely shocked. They discussed her case during grand rounds, and no one could quite figure out why she would have died, so they asked if I'd bring her body back for a necropsy, which I did. Turns out she had a 14 cm tear in her uterus. She bled to death into her abdomen, which is why we weren't seeing much blood coming out -- or at least as much blood as they would associate with a hemorrhage. Then I started thinking that I should have insisted on a c-section.
Through a great many discussions with family today, we are again reminded that you don't get second chances and second guessing yourself does no good. Doing nothing would have clearly resulted in her death. A c-section could have resulted in death from any number of complications. We will never know how this would have played out if we'd made different choices. But it does again point to the amazing resiliency of these little goats. They survived a long labor and a two hour drive to the vet hospital, and only one needed a little help to get going. We are very thankful for the five healthy babies that we have!
I guess I'm rambling now, but just wanted to share. I would never say that living with goats is "easy," and it can be downright heartbreaking, but I think we do get somewhat more accepting of what is thrown our way. And I still wouldn't trade this life for any other! I know that the animals producing my family's dairy products are appreciated, respected, and loved.
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I am so sorry for your loss and cry for you as you morn the loss of sweet Coco...She runs now in the deep green pastures of endless sunshine and is watched over by our good Shepard...I look forward to seeing photos of her legacy she left in your very capable hands.
Love and Prayers coming to your family from ours. Kelsie
I'm so sorry Deborah! When I lost my most beloved goat almost a year ago. You told me not to be so hard on myself. She ingested a trash bag from a neighbors yard and died from it. Prayers for you through this hard time. It's tough enough to loose an animal, but even harder when its your favorite. Don't be so hard on yourself. It will get easier. It has taken almost a year for me, but like you, Delilah left me with a beautiful doeling that looks just like her. I get to still have a part of her.
This is avery touching story, thank you!
Oh, I'm so, so sorry! Sending you hugs and much love from upstate New York! By hosting this website and doing so much research, you have helped many people save their own goats, and also reminded all of us that sometimes there isn't anything anyone could have done to change a sad outcome. Thank you for all you do for all the little goats, and all of us who love them as much as you do.
So very sorry for your painful loss, Deborah. May the days move forward easy on you. We'll be thinking of you. As others have said, thank you for sharing with us (your life, your goats, and Coco).
Sandra Hess
Heartland Midwifery
Fresno, Ohio
Deborah, I have to say...you of all people ought not be second guessing whether you could have or should have done more. You took her to the vet, they told you you could take her home...obviously no one had any reason to suspect what had happened to her. Again, so sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss
Oh Deborah, I am so very sorry for your loss. Coco tried her very best. It was so great that you saw there were difficulties and got her to the hospital. Hopefully as Coco's babies grow, you will see her in them. I lost my very first goat Frida but I see her every day in her daughters and her grand daughter.
I know it must have been difficult to put this experience down in writing, but I thank you for doing so. It's important for all of us to know just what can happen and how to handle it.
I hope you will enjoy watching Coco's babies grow. I look forward to photos.
Oh, Deborah! I'm so sorry to hear about what you've gone through. I can so easily relate right now. Huge hugs to you and your family. I hope you're right about it getting easier to accept what's thrown our way. It will be fun to see pics of those babies when you get around to it! I pray at least one of them will be much like her mama. :)
My Dear Sweet Friend Deborah, I can not imagine how you must feel! Even I, can hardly fight back the tears to write to you. I have had to remove my glasses to wipe my face, wetting my hands with tears, just at the sight of poor Coco lying there as you all work frantically to save her and her precious kids! And thinking of how you all must feel!
I so wish I could just appear there to hug you and cry with you and your family and listen to you tell of the antics Coco has done while sharing her life with you. To help you teach all the kiddies to drink their bottles and wipe their little butts, and giggle at their playfulness. And make list of names! I would do Hubbys laundry while you rock the little kids and run you a hot bath. We'd only need to track down an intern or one of your kids or a neighbor or someone to do the dishes! Because I would gladly make you all the comfort food you could eat! But I don't like dishes! I could always bring my Hubby. He will do windows & mirrors!
She was not only a blessing to you, but you were a blessing to her. She was so very blessed to have the goat momma that she had! She could not have asked for a better one. She blessed you, beyond belief to the greatest degree she possibly could by leaving you so many precious kids! I know that you will honor her life and her death by taking very good care of those little ones. And keeping and/or placing them in wonderful homes to be a blessing to others!
I want to thank you for sharing with us what you have been through. I know it is difficult, but hopefully therapeutic for you also. I especially want to thank you for sharing the picture! It helps to make this all real for some who may not realize what it is like to make one of those emergency visits that are full of such tension and stress, so much joy and tragedy all wrapped up together. It keeps us alert and on our toes. We can't always make everything right, no matter how much we may do, but we have to keep on going on for all the others who depend on us. Sad as it is, death is part of the life cycle for all of us and our loved ones, be they people or not!
You are right, we have a responsibility to do our best for them, but we can only do so much. May The Lord Bless You & Your Herd More Than Ever This Year! And when you can post us some pics of Cocos kids and tell us how many are does & how many are bucks! Love, your goat granny friend Margaret
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